Words

I open the book
The words speak of observations

My mind asks, Will my words find the page ---
Worthy to be read by others?

"Maybe the desire to make something beautiful
is the piece of God that is inside each of us"
resonates within --- these words of Mary Oliver
draw me to my own notebook of musings.

The drum, guitar, and flute
create a melodic rhythm
drawing out the words in a pattern
without rhyme

What reason do I have
for sharing the observations
that mingle within

A voice says, let them go ---
Let the words go onto the page
and the anxiety will also be carried

Release with words
the beauty
and the ugliness
that is world as you see it

For belief comes from the words
You speak

*Mary Oliver quote from poem "Blue Horses" in collection Blue Horses, pub. 2014

My Word for 2019

Like my previous posts indicate, I entered a different creative community through social media. Being engaged with other Creatives has inspired me in so many ways. One of the things I have mentioned is having a key word with an intention for the year in place of a New Year's Resolution. So, after an amazing year of reigniting my creative spirit I have spent some time in meditation and discovered my word for 2019.

The above image is the result of "Intuitive Doodling" that I learned from a wonderful woman named Elizabeth Sampson. She held an on-line self-paced class that I thoroughly enjoyed last spring. You can also find her videos on YouTube. I love her philosophy that there is "no wrong way" to doodle.

I have spent some time this month writing out what I believe. Basically, I want to believe that I can experience more fullness in 2019. A significant aspect of belief is spiritual belief. So below are the words I am sharing of where I am now on my spiritual belief journey. For those who have known me a long time, this may not be what you expect me to put on the page. And, for others, these words will not be a surprise at all. My challenge to others is this: write down what you believe because I feel that in doing so, you will live more intentionally.

I believe that every human has a designated purpose but we are given free will as to how we travel the journey to fulfill that purpose. We have discovered how to identify some of that  information through our Astrological birth map as well as other spiritual practices. We are given guidance and assistance through the angels assigned to us and those we call upon. These angels may share their message with us in a variety of ways, including through the energy of people we are strongly connected to. We have people placed in our lives to be an active participant with us along that journey and/or teach us something we need to know and  understand for us to fulfill our purpose. The more we are in alignment with that designated purpose the more fulfilled we are. The more tuned in to the vibrational energy of the Spiritual realm, including the Chakra energy pathways, the greater awareness and potential for success we have of living authentically. Spending time in quiet, reflection, creative process, and meditation is essential to engage in the Spiritual realm.

Thank You 2018

In January 2018 I was prompted by my writing community to write a letter in a way I had not done previously. The prompt began: Thank  you 2018. And well, I tucked that letter away and found it this week. So, below I am sharing with others what I wrote a year ago.

Dear 2018,

Thank you for revitalizing my creative spirit. 

Thank you for bringing me into a community with other Creatives, encouragement, accountability, and completion of small projects and initiating bigger ones. 

Thank you for guiding me on how to use my time, when to step back, when to push forward. 

Thank you for sharing JJS's words --- breathe in experience, breathe out poetry (creative expression).

Thank you for answers, intervention and a means to minimize the chronic health issues that attempt to hold me back from expressing myself, engaging in living the life I desire. I am grateful for the lessening of discomfort of fibromyalgia, arthritis, fatigue, and  providing the options given by the Naturopathic team at Full Circle Care. 

Thank you for the consistent support and friendship of my fitness trainer.

Thank you for allowing me to share my gifts with others, including the community of the library. Thank you for the inspiration for the on-going literacy and STEAM program I've been able to develop.

Thank you for guiding my family on their journey. my oldest with his ambitions in the business world. my daughter as she is making decisions for college. my youngest's exploration of art.

Thank you for my husband's continued dedication to our family, providing us with opportunities like a week in Washington D.C. Thank you for his desire to give back to others through coaching basketball.

Thank you for taking care of my extended family members. There are too many to list! And naturally, thank you for those special friend relationships.

And last, but not least, thank you for helping me declutter my physical space to make space for more focused and fulfilled living. And, I can't forget our family's feline companion.

Kelly

And yes, this is what manifested during the year 2018.

Reset

"Take the Remnants of Gold from each Karmic experience and use it as a ladder to climb above it." Chakra Wanda

pictures courtesy of Bridget Carone

This blog post is not what I originally had planned after my 'Bottom Line for 2019' writing. However, I believe it is appropriate to share as my words below do reflect my authentic self to those who care to read my musings.

Today is the day after the Women's March 2019, the Sunday of the three day Martin Luther King weekend for those of us fortunate enough to have Monday as a "holiday." While others in my realm of awareness have been strong advocates voicing their concerns of justice, equality, human rights, and many other significant needs of humanity, I have been in "Reset Mode." At one time in my history I had considered this to be a negative or unproductive moment of my journey. However, I have come to recognize the value of this reset mode.

Pogonip in the Desert

In the past I have struggled with the internal gremlin dialog I experience during reset mode. Phrases such as: what a waste of time; here we go again, retreating from the world; get your lazy butt up and do something; stop using your physical health history as an excuse; here's just another example showing why you are not good enough for _________; at least use this time to write and put some words on the page. Well, the reality is, I eventually do put some words on the page. But, this only occurs after blocking out everything around me for awhile. Let me explain or, as my writing coach says, show you.

January brings many messages: the new year on the cultural calendar; winter at its peak in the northern continent; resolutions or intentions.

For a week the low pressure system in the high desert of northern Nevada creates a grayness of continuous clouds, cold winter humidity, and pogonip as seen in the image above (pictures shared by friend Bridgit a few miles from my home). My physical body goes into hibernation mode.  A partially finished crochet blanket rests on my heart, gradually expanding with each double crochet stitch. The television screen displays a historical fiction drama. Crumbs from simple sugar comfort foods sit on a paper plate. Social media notifications are ignored on the cell phone. Hours pass by unnoticed until an inquiry concerning dinner is made. Blank morning writing pages cumulate as no words are swarming in my head...until that moment when I awake and half remember a dream in my light sleep stage. Then reawakening begins.

Sometimes pogonip happens. It is not expected or planned for. It just exists for a little while and eventually melts and life goes back to normal.  Like the natural world of select conditions leading up to the pogonip, events occur leading up to my reset mode. 

There are moments when I can no longer take in the happenings of the world around me --- not the big issues of the world like the National Women's March; not the near close to home chaos of a random shooting in a shopping mall I was in 24 hours previously; not the smaller events in my community of a new pizza take-out business my daughter is now employed at; not even the fact that I am out of a favorite creamer for my coffee and it would only take a half hour to create a grocery list and go get some basics. I've reached a tipping point that has put me in reset mode. My spirit and energy must pause and this requires blocking out all but the essentials. I make adjustments at my place of employment because I know that I can do just the essential tasks and get caught up on my bigger projects when this passes. I can post pone bigger decisions and giving of myself because I know that after my reset mode the Universe will give me the energy I need for the tasks at hand and my greater intentions.

So, this is what I know about being in reset mode. It eventually passes but sometimes I also need a rope. There is a connection between what I am writing here today and what I wrote earlier this month on bridges. When building something, there is value in having a safety rope. Sometimes we slip and have to pause and reach out for a rope to pull us back so we can continue our journey. In most cases, that safety line is essential because we are human, after all. And, during the recent freezing fog I experienced a moment when I literally was standing on a slope of black ice. Standing isn't exactly the right word, however. I was hanging with every ounce of strength to the car door as there was no way I could stand! It was a time when I said, "Nope, my plan is not going to happen!" I could not get from point A to point B and had to completely change plans.

At the top of this post is a quote from a friend who is tuned into the spiritual realm. She recently received a message which she shared, "Take the Remnants of Gold from each Karmic experience and use it as a ladder to climb above it." (Chakra Wanda) So, what I received from this message is: Reset Mode, the pogonip, is also its own Karmic experience. I can choose to listen to the gremlin dialog or find the remnants of gold waiting for me to grab onto. While building my bridge to the new decade, I cannot be afraid of the moments of "Reset." I must believe that the strands of strength will be provided for that bridge.

Bottom Line for 2019

Recently my life coach Amy K asked me the question: What is your bottom line for 2019? Now, in some conversations this may be in reference to financial status. But for me, that isn't what it is about, or is it? Financial status reflects investment. Investment of time, money, resources...hmmm. So, what if I ask the question this way? How am I going to invest my energy, time, money, resources in 2019 and for what desired outcome?

Here is my response: 2019 is the Bridge to a New Decade, a New Season. This concept of a designated time related to a bridge comes not from my own creativity, but rather an extension of something a friend created. Julie Jordan Scott, with her collaborator Paula Puffer, created a FaceBook Group called Bridge to the New Year. Each day in the month of December they offered prompts for us to share a response in any creative platform we wanted. As we finished up I realized that for me 2019 is a Bridge YEAR. So what is a bridge? What are bridges for? How are they made?

What is a bridge? So, the word bridge can be used in multiple ways. The essence of the word is linking one thing to another. As a noun it is a connector piece, or location. The land bridge allowed the two communities to share needed resources. As a verb it is used as an action word meaning to help get over or through challenges.  The school liaison bridged the language barrier between the parents and teachers. 

What is a bridge for? Many times along our journey of life we need a structure or tool to help us get from point A to point B. This can be thought of in a very physical sense, like the physical structure of a bridge taking an individual over a river. And, this can be thought of in a more abstract way, like taking time in the month of December to reflect and respond to prompts that help us close out the year of 2018 and open ourselves up to the possibilities of 2019.

How is a bridge made? A bridge is a structure. But this is the little bit I know about bridges. They need to also have some "give and take" and not all bridges work for all situations. Imagine the foot bridge created in the rugged mountains and compare that image to the bridges that are located in the San Francisco Bay area. When we were responding in the FaceBook group Bridge to the New Year, the creators recognized that the participants needed different ways to respond, some flexibility. A structure was provided but we had some "give and take."

My Bottom Line for 2019...get across the bridge! So, in January I am exploring what I need to first create my bridge, then I will be putting the foundational structure together. In the process I am including some flexibility with the end result in mind. I'm soon going to be an "empty nester." Yep! My oldest child is almost completely self-reliant now functioning in the adult world. My middle child graduates from high school in May of this year and is on a journey towards higher education. My youngest becomes a senior this year and graduates May 2020. The time has come to put my resources and understandings together to live my best life in this next new season of the journey with my husband. I won't be detailing my bridge here in this post. But, some people know that I need to see the big picture. I like to have a sense of knowing where I am and where I am going. It is okay if the energies of the Universe guide me slightly differently than I expected but I need a support system with a destination in mind.

So my questions to those who share their time reading this blog post are: Is 2019 a Bridge year for you? What is your bottom line for 2019? What will you need for your bridge? And, what support system will you put in place to get to your destination?