Recipe for Relationship

Sometimes relationships are messy. Anyone familiar with the Great British Baking Show? Recently I got hooked on this reality baking competition series. Here is why: I learn life lessons from watching alongside the entertainment. I'm not just referring to cooking and baking techniques, either. I see a metaphor to the different kinds of relationships we have on our journey. I don't know about you, but not all of my relationships are the same kind or have the same value.

So first, I'm going to share a bit about the show with judges Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood. Qualifying participants have a theme each episode such as cakes, breads, or biscuits. Each category has unique baking elements and participants are provided three opportunities in that category to demonstrate their skills. Two of the recipes are of the participants choosing in which they are given guidelines or criteria while one recipe is unknown until the day of the competition. My observation is that some participants have a diverse set of baking skills which gives them success in multiple categories while other participants are only successful in a few categories. The individual who learns how to create in the kitchen effectively in the majority of categories and applies a diversity of skills is generally recognized as the master baker.

How is the baking competition I describe related to relationships? Well, if one accepts the idea that not all relationships are the same, then maybe it can be accepted that a person can be really effective in some kinds of relationships and not as successful in other kinds of relationships. The person who learns to develop a diversity of purposeful relationships can essentially be identified as a very healthy human.

Developing a diversity of purposeful relationships I believe is a significant element of our journey as human beings. Enough social science studies have been done that I believe the readers of my page will accept the premise that we are designed by the authority of the Universe to be a species engaging in a diversity of relationships. The definition of relationship I am using is: the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected (Lexico). Therefore, we can have relationships with people of different ages, different cultural backgrounds and beliefs, the animal kingdom at large, the natural elements of the earth, and the entity of the spiritual realm. Then there is also the subcategory of human relationships such as a family member, intimate friend, co-worker, coach, etc. In each of these relationships, while they have similar ingredients, we develop and interact with different nuances.

Back to the Great British Baking Show...sometimes the bakers receive judgments in that their product is well designed in appearance but lack the desired flavors or texture. Sometimes the judgment is that the product presented is very messy in outer appearance but has excellent flavor. The "STAR BAKER" of the category is the one who gets both the outer appearance and inner quality accomplished. The positive part about the "STAR BAKER" component is that the person can be different for every category.

Some of us are really good at developing co-worker relationships while some of us are challenged in this category. Some of us are really good at fostering relationships with the animal kingdom and some of us have difficulty being in the same room as a pet cat. Some of us figure out how to have healthy family relationships and some of us experience challenges we wonder if we are able to overcome. My point is this, most of us are constantly having to learn how to experience a diversity of relationships. Not everyone can be a "STAR BAKER" all of the time. The goal for us, I believe, is to strive for that balance of healthy and diverse relationships. This requires loads of forgiveness as learning frequently (if not always) includes mistakes.

During our learning on this journey, we also need another component. That component is encouragement. On the Great British Baking Show I enjoy the presence of the hosts Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc. They bring a dash of frivolity, moments of empathy, and general support to the bakers. I am grateful for those relationships in my life who also provide these ingredients.

I am not a "STAR BAKER" all of the time. I experience life where relationships are sometimes "messy." My communication skills fail me, unkind thoughts flit through my brain, connection is lost, respect of time and space are ignored. Regardless of my mistakes, though, this will always be true for me: Life is a collection of relationships and we choose our relationships. And...some of my messy relationships have the most flavor.