Being Present

Recently my good friend held her 5 for 5 Brain Dump series. Julie Jordan Scott provides inspirational and motivational writing prompts that I simply love to participate in. Creating a community of writers and artists is one of her gifts. 

The above Tolle quote was shared during one of these writing sessions and that week I also had the opportunity to relax at the Sugar House Park (Salt Lake City area) before driving the 150 miles home. These waterfowl understand naturally what it means to "be present." So, how is it that our advanced human species finds this concept so difficult? I live in a what is labeled as rural Nevada and yet I love going to the city for the diversity of life and all the stimulation that is part of urban life. I've come to the conclusion that where one physically lives does not necessarily encourage or discourage one's behavior towards being present or not being present. I do believe that Tolle has touched on something...negativity. I also think that there is more to being present than what Tolle is indicating in this statement. I am still trying to articulate this elusive idea of being present for myself but I want to write about it anyway. 

I have discovered that at different times of the day my energy and focus on the world around me is different. We all have patterns in our behavior whether we realize it or not. I've partly come to this conclusion from my writing moods. Sometimes when I write I am able to easily put words on the page that show what is happening within and around me. Other times I have trouble putting the words on the page. I have a sense that when my best writing comes to the page I am living fully in the present moment (and I also know that is when I am most tuned in to the spiritual energy forces at work).  

But the question is, what do I need to do so I am more present in the moment more often? Maybe, I need to first identify what is NOT being in the present moment. Do you ever go on "autopilot" when driving a daily route, or completing a routine task? This is not being in the present moment. Our brains develop automaticity for efficiency. For example, we train children to memorize basic math facts or phonetic patterns so that completing higher level thinking problem solving or comprehension can be the focus of the experience of learning. That memorizing is automaticity. As a human species, we've become pretty good at that concept to the point that our muscle memory can actually prevent us from being aware of our own actions.

We also have a very good brain filtering system. This again is for efficiency of functioning in our modern environment. What do I mean by this? Well, when I go shopping in a mall many things are happening all around me. However, my brain only pays attention to things I've trained it to notice like "On Sale" or "50% off" signs. So, in this case, I've limited what I'm paying attention to. So, while some may say "I am always in the present moment when I'm shopping" there are going to be periods of time that the individual is ignoring a lot of the environment like the noise or crowd of other people shopping.

So, now that I've come up with some ways to describe not being present, I come back to the question, what do I need to do so I am more present in the moment more often?  Well, I believe on that day trip to the city and spending time at the park with my son, simply observing the ducks and eating a scoop of ice cream I was living in the present moment. I know this for a couple reasons. One, I had a great desire to take a picture. Taking photos is a way for me to stop and observe and allows me to create a recorded image of that present moment. Second, I fully tasted the smooth jamocha almond fudge ice cream and felt the crunch of the waffle cone in my mouth. On my day trips to the city, this example shows something simple I can do to stay in the present moment of being with my son. 

More ideas are slowly coming to mind as to what it means for me to be present. This is why I write. This is why I love the prompts my creative friend shares with me.   

Routine

So, I haven't written for awhile. I haven't put any words onto the page. And why is that? I have been out of my normal life routine for two weeks! Even as I write this I am not at home. I had an unexpected family medical situation. And so I jumped on a plane to assist. Now, this blog post is not going to go into detail about the medical situation. That would not be respectful to the family member. However, let's just say this event has kind of put me at odds with the pen on the paper. This writing is a brain dump, unplanned, little editing, just putting words on the page as I sit in a Starbucks on the day before I travel home. So, my writing may not sound the same. But I suppose that is okay also.

I always have enjoyed vacations. Vacations are PLANNED out of routine get aways. This was not planned and while there are some good things that have come out of this trip to the home town of my youth, I do miss my Nevada home. I miss home routines. I like trying things new. I love the fact that I saw family I have not seen for, well, in some cases many years. I love having special bonding time with siblings. I love that the mystery aunt who always sends books at Christmas is now known a bit more. And my host during this trip is a beautiful person but I still miss my own shower, the looks my teenagers give me when I ask for chores to be done, hanging out in the other room while my husband goes through his routine in the evening after work. I miss the family cat either complaining or cuddling next to me. Two weeks and I'm ready to fly home.

All the family medical is not resolved. This is the not so good part of the trip. But, I need to go home to my routine and regroup, so to speak. So, my writing community, this is what you get today. Raw words, still with some protection of the emotions I am feeling, but still me.

Homemade Soup

The business day done, meeting the demands of the work environment put to rest one more time, driving through some weather the couple miles to my home, and just wanting to warm up and relax. No hassle with fixing something for dinner, I'm just calling the family to the table and serving up some homemade chicken noodle soup prepared earlier this morning. Chicken chunks, softened celery, colorful carrots, thick noodles, classic? Oh but wait, what is the seasoning added this time? 

My family has accepted that every Crock-Pot of my homemade soup is unique. I could never be a professional chef because even when I attempt to duplicate the recipe, the end product is not quite the same. And most of the time, the bowl placed in front of my family is enjoyable, except of course when it is not. Because you see, I learned how to cook from my step-father. I think of him now, almost 10 years since his passing, and wonder if he ever had any training as a chef or just in business management. Dennis taught me how to cook, not in our home as much as in his restaurants that I began working as a young girl. Anyway, he taught me that a recipe is a guide and once you learned the basic recipe, taste and experiment to add your signature. I learned all sorts of things from Dennis preparing foods for his cold and hot buffet, grill, and doing everything else involved in the business. And today, my go to meal for the family as a working mom is the homemade soup. 

I create soup not from a specific recipe, but from a basic concept. I use what I have available. Soup requires a good stock (homemade is the best and most nutritious but not always available), a selection of veggies, a protein source, some dairy (even in light soup a small spoon of butter), a grain (sometimes simply in the form of a good cracker or bread to add as a side), seasonings, and a sweetener to bring out the contrasting spices. I fill up the large Crock-Pot, as I don't know how to make in small quantities, (when I'm an empty nester, we best buy a smaller Crock-Pot!) Ta-da! Dinner, alongside lunch for the rest of the week, is done!

I like creating soup because there really is no right or wrong way to make it. However, I imagine some would argue with me on that belief. A soup recipe is a guide. Soup is supposed to be unique to the situation. In the spring one may enjoy a light broth based soup and in the summer a cold Gazpacho soup. Come autumn, a warm squash soup may be desired or in winter a hearty, thick, creamy soup hits the spot. The key to good soup --- diversity. We all need diversity in life. Diversity keeps us healthy. Having alternate ingredients keeps us vibrant. Creativity is also an important element as through creativity we can experience 'awe.'

And if you think this post is just about making soup, read again. 

Sometimes in soup I've added ingredients for their flavor or nutritional value that have broken down to a point my kids are oblivious, like cauliflower. And then some ingredients are always going to be obvious, like tomatoes. Then I occasionally substitute ingredients for a slightly different flavor, like leeks and my kids think I've simply added large green onions. Oh, and one day my kids asked, "What is agave? What do you use this for? The bottle is almost gone."

We all have a kitchen with staple ingredients. The secret is searching for unique ingredients at the right time, knowing when to risk adding something different or unknown, keeping staples close at hand for stability, and knowing it is okay to be spontaneous. Creating homemade soup and sharing it with others is my gift to my family and friends. 

Words

I open the book
The words speak of observations

My mind asks, Will my words find the page ---
Worthy to be read by others?

"Maybe the desire to make something beautiful
is the piece of God that is inside each of us"
resonates within --- these words of Mary Oliver
draw me to my own notebook of musings.

The drum, guitar, and flute
create a melodic rhythm
drawing out the words in a pattern
without rhyme

What reason do I have
for sharing the observations
that mingle within

A voice says, let them go ---
Let the words go onto the page
and the anxiety will also be carried

Release with words
the beauty
and the ugliness
that is world as you see it

For belief comes from the words
You speak

*Mary Oliver quote from poem "Blue Horses" in collection Blue Horses, pub. 2014

My Word for 2019

Like my previous posts indicate, I entered a different creative community through social media. Being engaged with other Creatives has inspired me in so many ways. One of the things I have mentioned is having a key word with an intention for the year in place of a New Year's Resolution. So, after an amazing year of reigniting my creative spirit I have spent some time in meditation and discovered my word for 2019.

The above image is the result of "Intuitive Doodling" that I learned from a wonderful woman named Elizabeth Sampson. She held an on-line self-paced class that I thoroughly enjoyed last spring. You can also find her videos on YouTube. I love her philosophy that there is "no wrong way" to doodle.

I have spent some time this month writing out what I believe. Basically, I want to believe that I can experience more fullness in 2019. A significant aspect of belief is spiritual belief. So below are the words I am sharing of where I am now on my spiritual belief journey. For those who have known me a long time, this may not be what you expect me to put on the page. And, for others, these words will not be a surprise at all. My challenge to others is this: write down what you believe because I feel that in doing so, you will live more intentionally.

I believe that every human has a designated purpose but we are given free will as to how we travel the journey to fulfill that purpose. We have discovered how to identify some of that  information through our Astrological birth map as well as other spiritual practices. We are given guidance and assistance through the angels assigned to us and those we call upon. These angels may share their message with us in a variety of ways, including through the energy of people we are strongly connected to. We have people placed in our lives to be an active participant with us along that journey and/or teach us something we need to know and  understand for us to fulfill our purpose. The more we are in alignment with that designated purpose the more fulfilled we are. The more tuned in to the vibrational energy of the Spiritual realm, including the Chakra energy pathways, the greater awareness and potential for success we have of living authentically. Spending time in quiet, reflection, creative process, and meditation is essential to engage in the Spiritual realm.

Thank You 2018

In January 2018 I was prompted by my writing community to write a letter in a way I had not done previously. The prompt began: Thank  you 2018. And well, I tucked that letter away and found it this week. So, below I am sharing with others what I wrote a year ago.

Dear 2018,

Thank you for revitalizing my creative spirit. 

Thank you for bringing me into a community with other Creatives, encouragement, accountability, and completion of small projects and initiating bigger ones. 

Thank you for guiding me on how to use my time, when to step back, when to push forward. 

Thank you for sharing JJS's words --- breathe in experience, breathe out poetry (creative expression).

Thank you for answers, intervention and a means to minimize the chronic health issues that attempt to hold me back from expressing myself, engaging in living the life I desire. I am grateful for the lessening of discomfort of fibromyalgia, arthritis, fatigue, and  providing the options given by the Naturopathic team at Full Circle Care. 

Thank you for the consistent support and friendship of my fitness trainer.

Thank you for allowing me to share my gifts with others, including the community of the library. Thank you for the inspiration for the on-going literacy and STEAM program I've been able to develop.

Thank you for guiding my family on their journey. my oldest with his ambitions in the business world. my daughter as she is making decisions for college. my youngest's exploration of art.

Thank you for my husband's continued dedication to our family, providing us with opportunities like a week in Washington D.C. Thank you for his desire to give back to others through coaching basketball.

Thank you for taking care of my extended family members. There are too many to list! And naturally, thank you for those special friend relationships.

And last, but not least, thank you for helping me declutter my physical space to make space for more focused and fulfilled living. And, I can't forget our family's feline companion.

Kelly

And yes, this is what manifested during the year 2018.

Reset

"Take the Remnants of Gold from each Karmic experience and use it as a ladder to climb above it." Chakra Wanda

pictures courtesy of Bridget Carone

This blog post is not what I originally had planned after my 'Bottom Line for 2019' writing. However, I believe it is appropriate to share as my words below do reflect my authentic self to those who care to read my musings.

Today is the day after the Women's March 2019, the Sunday of the three day Martin Luther King weekend for those of us fortunate enough to have Monday as a "holiday." While others in my realm of awareness have been strong advocates voicing their concerns of justice, equality, human rights, and many other significant needs of humanity, I have been in "Reset Mode." At one time in my history I had considered this to be a negative or unproductive moment of my journey. However, I have come to recognize the value of this reset mode.

Pogonip in the Desert

In the past I have struggled with the internal gremlin dialog I experience during reset mode. Phrases such as: what a waste of time; here we go again, retreating from the world; get your lazy butt up and do something; stop using your physical health history as an excuse; here's just another example showing why you are not good enough for _________; at least use this time to write and put some words on the page. Well, the reality is, I eventually do put some words on the page. But, this only occurs after blocking out everything around me for awhile. Let me explain or, as my writing coach says, show you.

January brings many messages: the new year on the cultural calendar; winter at its peak in the northern continent; resolutions or intentions.

For a week the low pressure system in the high desert of northern Nevada creates a grayness of continuous clouds, cold winter humidity, and pogonip as seen in the image above (pictures shared by friend Bridgit a few miles from my home). My physical body goes into hibernation mode.  A partially finished crochet blanket rests on my heart, gradually expanding with each double crochet stitch. The television screen displays a historical fiction drama. Crumbs from simple sugar comfort foods sit on a paper plate. Social media notifications are ignored on the cell phone. Hours pass by unnoticed until an inquiry concerning dinner is made. Blank morning writing pages cumulate as no words are swarming in my head...until that moment when I awake and half remember a dream in my light sleep stage. Then reawakening begins.

Sometimes pogonip happens. It is not expected or planned for. It just exists for a little while and eventually melts and life goes back to normal.  Like the natural world of select conditions leading up to the pogonip, events occur leading up to my reset mode. 

There are moments when I can no longer take in the happenings of the world around me --- not the big issues of the world like the National Women's March; not the near close to home chaos of a random shooting in a shopping mall I was in 24 hours previously; not the smaller events in my community of a new pizza take-out business my daughter is now employed at; not even the fact that I am out of a favorite creamer for my coffee and it would only take a half hour to create a grocery list and go get some basics. I've reached a tipping point that has put me in reset mode. My spirit and energy must pause and this requires blocking out all but the essentials. I make adjustments at my place of employment because I know that I can do just the essential tasks and get caught up on my bigger projects when this passes. I can post pone bigger decisions and giving of myself because I know that after my reset mode the Universe will give me the energy I need for the tasks at hand and my greater intentions.

So, this is what I know about being in reset mode. It eventually passes but sometimes I also need a rope. There is a connection between what I am writing here today and what I wrote earlier this month on bridges. When building something, there is value in having a safety rope. Sometimes we slip and have to pause and reach out for a rope to pull us back so we can continue our journey. In most cases, that safety line is essential because we are human, after all. And, during the recent freezing fog I experienced a moment when I literally was standing on a slope of black ice. Standing isn't exactly the right word, however. I was hanging with every ounce of strength to the car door as there was no way I could stand! It was a time when I said, "Nope, my plan is not going to happen!" I could not get from point A to point B and had to completely change plans.

At the top of this post is a quote from a friend who is tuned into the spiritual realm. She recently received a message which she shared, "Take the Remnants of Gold from each Karmic experience and use it as a ladder to climb above it." (Chakra Wanda) So, what I received from this message is: Reset Mode, the pogonip, is also its own Karmic experience. I can choose to listen to the gremlin dialog or find the remnants of gold waiting for me to grab onto. While building my bridge to the new decade, I cannot be afraid of the moments of "Reset." I must believe that the strands of strength will be provided for that bridge.