Influencing Others

Influence: the power or intangible action of one thing or person which brings about an effect on another (Wordsmyth.net)

     Matthew walked home from school in his small town and pondered a word he heard that day. As a third grader he became bombarded with words he did not know as they were not used at home. He decided to ask his mom if she knew what the word meant.

     "Mom, what does the word 'influence' mean?"

     "Matthew, where did you hear that word?" Mom replied.

     "At school. A book said that President Lincoln influenced the Civil War but the teacher didn't explain what influence means."

     "Well, I believe that there is a powerful energy force which people sometimes name as God. Since I believe in God I attend a church service and take you to Sunday School. You trust me as your mom. You know that I will always make sure you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is trust. When I take you to Sunday School you trust that you are being told truth. So, as result of this trust, I am influencing you to believe in God as I do. My participation in activities of the church also influence your decision in the participation of activities at the church. I influence your behaviors," explained Mom.

     "Ok, so does that mean teachers influence how much I learn?" asked Matthew.

     "Teachers MAY influence you. But here is the thing, my intelligent son. Teachers present to you specific content to develop your skills, but you must make the decision to learn. A teacher can attempt to influence, but you must also want to learn," Mom said.

     "So, because she shared a book with us about President Lincoln and I'm curious to know more, she has influenced me to research more and learn about the presidents," responded Matthew.

     "Exactly!"

     Can you identify the people, places, or things in your life which has greatly influenced you? Is there someone who influences how you see yourself which directly impacts the life choices you make, the kind of person you become? And when this person has a long term, positive impact upon you, how do you respond to that person? This last question is the one I have been reflecting upon.

     The word influence has a Latin derivative of the meaning "to flow in."  The beliefs of someone has flowed into me. Someone believed in my gift to communicate through written language. That someone influenced my decision to write, and then to write some more. The practice of writing influenced the quality of my writing as I opened myself to learn more during the experience. I received a gift that has no ending point. I trusted someone who then flowed into my way of thinking in a beautiful way. My problem is this: saying the two words thank you just doesn't seem to be enough.   

City of Girls

I've just finished reading, actually listening to, the book City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert. I love the way she tells stories. Interesting how the timing of me selecting and finishing this book relates to other musings of late. The topic? Relationships, and the different kinds of relationships we have. At the end of the book, the author in her unique way reminds us that different kinds of relationships are necessary. As we grow into more of our authentic self, the need we have for authentic relationships also grows. I believe one of our challenges as a society is acknowledging the different kinds of relationships people require and finding the language to communicate within these diverse relationships.

I like how the main character in Elizabeth Gilbert's book conveys the unique dynamics of the relationships she experiences. The character is telling her life story, her perspective, when she is significantly older. In reflections of my own relationships in my younger years compared to the present I definitely see the changes of the needs I have. I also realize more concretely what my needs were when I was younger, why I made the decisions that I did. This reflection helps me in my current season of life. I remember an elementary teacher once telling me, "Kelly, remember that there is always an end in a friend." I was obviously misspelling "friend-freind" but I remember thinking, I don't like that idea. However, now I understand that some friendships are intended to be for a short period of time and others are intended to be for a lifetime. The challenge of course is knowing what kind of relationship each one is meant to be, having the courage to live one's values in that relationship, and through the experience hopefully gain the intended wisdom the Universe desires.

A moment in my adult years occurred in which I asked myself, "Is this relationship a mistake?" I now believe I was asking the wrong question. Numerous alternative questions in regards to relationships are available. This is why I believe in the value of life coaching. Well trained and gifted life coaches have the ability to ask different questions while pushing a person to live their core values. But, as I write this blog, I realize I'm getting away from my original reason for sharing my thoughts.

I really like the book City of Girls.

I'm not a professional book reviewer; I'm simply acting as a consumer of popular general adult fiction. And so, the book pushed me to see another perspective of the different kinds of relationships we may experience. Also, while one kind of relationship works for one person, that same kind of relationship may not work for another. Here's the secret, I think, when considering the different relationships around us: remove judgment. I love reading realistic fiction because a well written story allows me to explore how various relationships evolve and challenges me to ask different questions about the relationships in my own life.

Watchful

brown racing stripes

watchful scouting stillness

perched upon a stump

KJ

How many of us are watchful? What do we zoom our watchfulness upon? My mentor once shared the idea of a bulls eye target and organizing our desk with the things we use most often close to us. She also shared the idea with me of identifying the different layers of people in our lives, those we are closest to to those just out there in the Universe. So, I ask myself, what part of the circle in my life am I being watchful at this moment? This haiku is again from my trip in the forest as I observed the behavior of chipmunks.

Journey

partners on a search

the forest hillside knows them--

chipmunks separate

KJ

My brief few days in the National Forest in Oregon I wrote a series of haiku. My understanding is that one of the elements of haiku is the contrast of a natural situation. So, a pair of chipmunks start out together foraging and take their own path to then return to their burrow. This event brought to mind the relationships we have with people. I was taught that in a good marriage relationship the two people became one in all things. I am older and wiser now. We are more like the chipmunks.

Relationships

he says a word

I say a word:

autumn deepens

Kyoshi Takahama

When I read this I think --- human relationships. As the result of a spoken word the path of a relationship moves forward. Even if the word causes us to pause, we are then required to make a decision. A parent knows when a toddler learns the meaning of the word "No." The child pauses and then decides upon a course of action. This sets a path for the relationship at that moment. What words have been pivotal for you? Think of one person, one situation, one clear shift in a relationship. What word was spoken that caused you to pause and then choose your path?